The (Last) Big Brother Live Blog!
7.45 The end is nigh! After 93 gruelling days the Big Brother juggernaut finally reaches its destination. But who of the remaining housemates will win? Our bet’s on Rachel…
8.00 Well, there’s a hearty bunch of lunatics crowd out braving the awful weather, it’s obviously not raining on their Big Brother finale parade then (much). Ooh Rex doesn’t seem popular judging by the chanting… we can’t think why.
8.07 Oh no they’re getting all the evicted housemates out for their 5 minutes of fame… by the sounds of it they are about as popular as Rex. Here’s Luke. Davina asks him whether he and Bex are really going out? Yeah, right. Long as the Heat magazine spreads keep coming… oh here’s Lisa. We love Lisa. It’s a travesty she got voted out. She needs to dump Mario though. And Mario needs to dump the sunbed.
8.10 Back to the ‘Famous Five’ then… Sara you do not fancy Darnell, get a grip. Stop torturing the poor boy for more screen-miles. Jeez, Mikey’s monotone is so annoying. It’s even testing the patience-of-a-saint Rachel. Stop talking Mikey, you’re sucking the life from us! OK, now Rex is making a toast at the Last Supper. It’s quite sweet. Do we forgive him his bullying ways? Oh-oh Mikey’s making a speech now. Make it end! Darnell’s speech by far proves he is the most genuine person in the godforsaken place.
8.17 Rex is throwing his toys out his pram again. Not enough booze apparently. Will someone please just give the smug moron a slap? Where is he an ‘executive chef’ for again? KFC? Big Bro is playing music - everyone’s dancing but Rex. Oh no - a Whitney Houston power ballad’s just come on. The girls are giving it their best… possibly with a fledging pop music career in mind. Nooo! It’s already raining girls; we don’t want a monsoon.
8.20: Ok back to tonight. This is more like it. Who is going first?? Darnell! Oh no! Not Rex? How can this be?! At least they’re not boo-ing him.
8.30 Davina’s interviewing Darnell, showing him his ‘best of’ clips. He was a bit miserable in the house wasn’t he? He’s happy now though, getting the love from the crowd. That’s right Darnell! Forget Sara. She no good for you. Oh, there’s Stu. Still wearing his man make-up, we see. Who’s a pretty boy, then?
8.40 Ok - who’s next? REX! Yee-ha! Get the ginger terrorist out of there! oh-oh - he’s getting no love from the crowd. No Rex, you deluded egomaniac: those are boos not cheers. He doesn’t seem to notice, he’s too busy basking in his own self-congratulatory drool. Davina is interviewing Rex now. Perhaps she should ask him why his parents named him after the family dog? Rex is unrepentent about his pantomoime villian role. He loves winding people up apparently. Really? We hadn’t noticed. He also ‘loves Nicole’ apparently. Oh, that’s why he kept making her cry! Now we understand! Emergency, where is Gok Wan? Rex needs a modesty make-over, ASAP!
8.50 ok who’s next? Mikey? NO! It’s Sara! She looks shell-shocked, insisting she’s ’happy to go’. Yeah, right course you are love. That’s why you look so annoyed. Back in an hour, stay awake tuned!.
10.00 Ok people - we’re on the last leg. The end is in sight! Apparently it’s a photo finish. Simpering Rach or monotone Mikey? It’s a tough one… Ok, Sara is on her way out… she keeps squealing with delight. At least she’s not singing.
10.10 Davina’s interviewing Sara now. Sara’s verging on hysteria. She is competing with Mikey in the annoying-voice stakes. Davina’s interrogating Sara about her ‘love’ for Darnell. Clue: it’s a game show. Is it a leap of faith to assume games are involved? Sara keeps side-stepping the issue of love-sick Darnell. Davina is asking Sara if she was leading him up the garden path. Um… Yes?
10.20 Ok, this is it! And the winner of Big Bro 2008 is… RACHEL! We knew it! Mikey’s on his way out to rapturous applause. Bless him. We take it back about the monotone. Maybe.
10.30 Davina’s interviewing Mikey now. He’s being very magnanimous. Rachel isn’t a fraud, Mikey insists. Yeah, yeah whatever. Mikey says he’s proud to have stood up to all the Big Brother bullies in the house. Well he is the only one who told Rex to sod off - so that can’t be a bad thing.
10.35 Big Bro winner Rach is out! It’s fair to say she’s excited. Yes Rach, we get it, you’re happy! In the words of Michael Winner, calm down dear.
10.42 Davina is interviewing Rachel. Was she being fake or the real her…blah, blah…. Who cares! If Rach had a gameplan it certainly worked. Rex’s bullying probably did her the biggest favour ever and she knew it! She got the sympathy vote if ever there was one. Well done Rachel, you are the best of a motley bunch-of-fame-junkies champion!
Phew, that’s it from us. Thanks for tuning in… see you next year!
KC
